Quiet, and Bloodstained Still

We had both known this trip would be difficult.  We knew it the whole time, and we thought we’d prepared for it.  But, really, there is no preparation — like so many things in life, there is only the getting through it.  And now that he is home, we are going through it.
The night before [...]

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Doing the Maths

Two
“This house!” M muttered under his breath as he kicked a tangled pile of laundry out of his way. “This bloody house!”  And then he turned and stormed back upstairs without even looking at me.
I sighed.  But I understand why he’s frustrated — this house, indeed.  It’s always on the edge of mess, always [...]

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I am Boring

I’ve come to an uncomfortable conclusion.  It turns out that… well… I’m quite boring.  I always had some suspicions  of this but I’d had enough social success to be able to brush those concerns under a convenient nearby carpet.  But just lately, that’s not worked and I’ve got to admit what I’m quickly realising to [...]

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Must Let Go

I panic.
I must sort the laundry.  I must pay the bills.  I must do the taxes.  I must look up how to renew my driver’s license.  I must figure out a way to get us home.  I must balance my chequebook.  I must empty the dishwasher.  I must get to the post office.  I must [...]

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Whereas…

In truth, it probably has nothing to do with here or there, owning or renting, working or staying home, career or not…  It probably has nothing to do with any of those external things, and everything to do with something inside me.  The problem is in me, and the solution is in me.  But I [...]

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Future Overwhelmed

The urge to go home is so strong it’s overwhelming. It rises from my gut like nausea, and pulls at my consciousness.  But we don’t have anything there now. We’d be starting over completely from scratch.  We’d have to buy a car and a fridge and a bed and a hoover and [...]

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After the Equinox, the Days will be Longer than the Nights

It feels like I haven’t seen my husband in weeks — it’s not true, but I haven’t seen much of him in a long time.  His work has been… crazy.  He had all of three days off in January, and February has followed course, which is exhausting for him — and, by extension, for me.  [...]

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Impact

Why is it that when I hit the bottom, my husband — who normally spends his days counting his miseries — suddenly pulls himself up and into the light, and becomes exactly the man I wish he always was?  And why, when this lifts me up too, so that I find the strength to surface [...]

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Truth …and Bitter

Here’s the thing: I wouldn’t have called the doctor.  I wasn’t going to — I didn’t think it was that dire yet.  I was all stiff upper lip… soldier on… mustn’t grumble…  It was my mother who was convinced we should call the doctor, and she had to goad me a bit before I agreed.  [...]

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All Good Things Come to an End

As much as I don’t want to think about this — and I don’t, I don’t, I don’t — it is time to look for a job.  Costs are rising, M’s hours are fluctuating, and the bills…  oh, the bills, they positively sneer at me.  I have done everything I know how to do to [...]

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