I suspect E2 will turn out to be an extrovert. I don’t know what to do with an extroverted child! Her dad and I are both introverts (he an ISFJ, me an INTP), and I’m quite certain E1 is as well. E2 wants constant attention — no, she demands constant attention — and if she’s left on her own for even just minutes, she screams as if her life were coming to a violent end. She’s been like this since the day she was born, and it’s very stressful indeed. When I say she screams, I don’t mean she cries, grumbles, or complains — I mean she opens her mouth and hits a pitch that nearly shatters glass, and the sound only stops long enough for her to draw breath to start it up again. Nothing stops it — not pacifiers, not toys, not the telly — nothing, except the focused attention of a real person. And that means me.
Except that I can’t spend all day entertaining her. I do have to get on with the rest of life. And so she screams. She screams while I wash dishes; she screams while I do laundry; she screams while I change E1; she screams while I furiously shove some lunch in my mouth at 4pm because I’ve realised the reason my hands are shaking is that I have completely forgotten to eat anything because I’ve spent all day trying to stop her from screaming. Doing anything more involved than that is simply out of the question. Her screaming — that noise which melts my brain and makes the room go dark and stops me from thinking — has become the soundtrack to my life. It’s not because she’s hungry, or tired, or in pain. She just craves attention.
I had a perfect example of it yesterday. She had spent most of the day screaming — with a few blessed breaks but, nonetheless, fairly constant throughout the day. We were due to visit a friend in the afternoon and I was a little dubious as to whether there was even any point in going. But when we got there, she changed into a different baby completely: she was good as gold, sitting in her carseat and smiling contentedly, kicking her feet with glee. The very picture of a perfect baby. Why? Because she was in a room filled with people: three adults, two toddlers, and two other babies. She was in her element. No one was actually paying any attention to her specifically, but she was surrounded by people and noise and she loved it. That’s when it dawned on me — this baby’s problem is that she is an extrovert in house full of introverts. My friends hardly believe me when I try to explain what she’s like at home, because she’s just so happy when we’re out and surrounded by people.
The situation will improve, I know, as soon as E2 starts to crawl and she can go off herself and find the attention she craves, rather than having to call for it to come to her. Then the she can follow E1 around all day — and, eventually, E1 will come to me and beg me to get E2 to leave her alone! Oh my poor baby — what a curse it must be to someone who craves the company of others, in a house full of people who relish their time on their own!
You are blessed to have the insight that you have and your child is blessed to have you as her Mother. You can rest in the fact that God chose you to be this child’s Mother. Grace and patience, like goodness and mercy will see you through.
Thank you! I do thank God for her every day. When she screams, she is teaching me patience and kindness. And when she smiles… when she smiles, it is the most beautiful smile you have ever seen. Over time, I will learn how to be a good mother to an extroverted child… somehow!
Does she do better in a sling or carrier? Closer to the action?
We have a sling and that worked well when she was littler, but now she’s about 16lbs of lump, and I find it hard to get things done with her stuck on the front of me (bending down to get laundry out of the basket, doing dishes, etc). Also, she’s a lot *grabby-er* than she used to be (which is a nightmare when washing knives and glasses!!!), and she really likes to kick her legs about, which isn’t so good in a sling.
I think I’m just going to have to ride this until she’s able to follow E1 around. Then I will sit and have a nice relaxing cup of tea, and watch E1 getting harassed for a change!!! Ha ha ha ha haaaa!
Yes, I know what you mean! I find I can get things done if Will is in a backpack carrier. But even then, i can’t do it all day!
[…] or the removal of something she wants without a loud vocal complaint — but she doesn’t cry constantly the way she used to. She now does what would have been unthinkable a year ago: she plays, she smiles, and she laughs […]
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Get this book!
http://www.theintrovertadvantage.com/advantage.html
It has a section on how to parent extroverted kids. 🙂
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