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Posts Tagged ‘writing’

Just lately, I’ve really had something of a writer’s block.  It’s been so odd, just to have my inner voice fall suddenly silent.  My inner voice is never silent.  My inner voice rabbits on so much — every moment of every day — that sometimes it drives me a bit nuts.

But not at the moment.  Well, that’s not true — my inner voice is still chatting away to me, but when I sit down to write, it just shuts right up.  Doesn’t have anything to say, won’t talk.  I sit and look at the computer and… get up and wander off again.  Nothing there.

And yet, when I am away from the computer — cooking lunch, doing laundry, wiping mucky faces — the voice is there, chatting away, and I can compose blog post after blog post in my mind.  Until, that is, I finally get the chance to sit down and write it up and then… I can’t remember it.  Not at all.  Not one jot.  What was I going to write about…?  What was it?  Nope, it’s gone… well and truly gone from my head.  Bah!

Last night, however, I was inspired!  The voice came back and the words flowed.  I stayed up too late writing — far too late — and knew I’d pay for it come morning, but I was so pleased to be blogging again that I ignored all that.   I finished, proofread, corrected… and hit ‘Publish’.

And the little icon spun round and round…  and round and round… and then the computer told me it couldn’t make the connection.  My ISP, as it turns out, was having some ‘trouble’ and I hadn’t been connected to the internet for nearly 45 minutes.  I hadn’t published, and I hadn’t even saved what I’d written.  The voice spoke, and the computer choked.

The internet access didn’t return all day — and I discovered what an interesting world it is without the internet to pull me away.  I spent the day with my girls — really, truly engaged with them: we played, we told stories, we cuddled a lot.  And I got so much housework done!  The place has gone from disaster to shipshape in one day.  I was almost disappointed when I finally saw my homepage pop back up on the screen.  …Almost?  Er, no… I really was disappointed.  I’d enjoyed my little holiday from my demanding taskmaster, and considered whether I ought to extend it further, or take steps to make the internet a less invasive part of my life…

But, it did give me something to write about at last.  A day without the internet, a day of quiet isolation from that unreal world, a day engaged in real life…  Now, that is something to talk about.

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Today I am grateful for:

  1. A decent night’s sleep last night — I was up with her only twice.
  2. Heinz Vegetarian Baked Beans which, apart from the cloying sweetness of the brown sugar, taste remarkably close to British baked beans and, poured over buttered toast, were the perfect 10pm dinner for two famished househunters.
  3. The really wonderful encouragement I get about some of my blog posts — in the comments section, in emails, and from M. He had me laughing tonight when he read yesterday’s post and then exclaimed, “Oh man, what the fuck are you doing?!? People would pay good money for a book full of this shit and it just falls out of your head! I could almost be angry with you, me here busting my butt every day to make a living and you have this and you’re just sitting on it!” Bless ‘im! I’m realistic enough to know there’s a big difference between a midnight blog and successful book, but I am deeply grateful for the sentiment nonetheless.

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